Battersea Rises

On Monday 8th August, the unimaginable happened & a mob of greedy, selfish thugs started "rioting" & primarily looting shops in nearby Clapham Junction.

I sat in my bedroom & heard the sirens, saw the glow from the flames of a fire which had been lit in the fancy dress shop & smelled the smoke... a few minutes before it really started I'd been on facebook, reassuring friends from around the UK, as well as in Australia & the USA that I was in a safe, quiet community, nothing like the area's which I had already heard on the news had been attacked... I was wrong!

It was surreal, to be honest... this dreadful beahviour, so nearly impossible to get your head around was on the major news channels & updates were happening in between programming on tv, but at the same time I could see & hear the helicopter from my bed where I was half sitting, half lying & typing on my laptop...

It was on my laptop that I watched a video, uploaded to youtube, which showed the very store where I had purchased it being looted... The guy making the video asked one woman, "Are you proud of what you're doing? Why are you doing this?" Her response was, "To get my taxes back..."

Seriously??? Are you honestly so ignorant & downright stupid to think that your taxes are somehow floating around in the ether, just waiting for you to claim in the form of burglary? Do you think that everyone else who wants or needs a computer just walks into a shop & steals it, or could it be possible that we work hard & save our money to purchase one??? Do you think your taxes are not used to help you? If, indeed you pay taxes (& I must say I have serious doubts as to the possibility of this...) do you never, ever visit a doctor or purchase a subsidised prescription, walk on a footpath, travel on a road, call on police, ambulance or fire brigades? I strongly supect this woman lives in housing subsidised by our taxes... Well, when I say "our taxes" I doubt she is included in that! I wanted to slap her, & I am so non-violent that it's hard for me to admit to that emotional reaction! Especially so publicly!

I was awake until at least 2am, around which time the mob started to disperse... probably because they had already got their hands on as much of the valuable goods as they could... The department store, Debenhams, was looted - as were JD Sports, The Foot Locker, 3 jewellery shops, an independant electrical goods shop, the aforementioned Curry's, at least 3 mobile phone stores, Boots (the chemist) & TK Maxx... also shops which had little of interest to the looters were vandalised, including small, family-run cafe's, a Greggs bakery, a Christian Book Shop, 2 stationers, a carpet shop, 2 hairdressers, at least 3 charity shops (charity shops which exist to help people & organisations & which are run on voluntary staffing & donations from the public!) 2 supermarkets, the local post office, 3 banks (they tried to get to money in the ATMs & although they damaged them beyond repair, they were unsuccessful!), bars, restaurants, fast food shops (including Subway, KFC & Wimpeys) Starbucks (with every window smashed despite the fact that there would have been nothing of real value within it!) and many other small shops, & outlets... the total number of people employed by these businesses would be significant.

The worst thing, however, was the Party Shop... I visit it sometimes, having purchased a wig for my 'Nessa costume (for Dragon*Con) as well as various bits & bobs for party costumes & putting on celebrations with the children I've nannied in this area... most recently I bought a pair of fairy wings & a pink tiara for the Race for Life. These morons broke in, stole masks to cover their faces (in a vain attempt to avoid being recognised on CCTV) & then SET FIRE TO IT! Not only did the shop go up in flames, with many canisters of helium gas inside, but there are several flats above it, & people were in them! A family were fortunate to escape quickly before their home & all their possessions were incinerated, but others were afraid to evacuate, fearing they would be attacked by the irrational mob in the street below... the bravery of the people who helped to evacuate them & the firemen who worked hard to put the blaze out cannot be overestimated! I feel so grateful to them for protecting us under the most difficult of circumstances!

I was relieved to head to France with the family I live & work with the next day, although London was on high alert for more possible trouble... even as we (my employer, Alex, & I) drove out of London, we saw small shops, & superstores alike, shuttered & closed by 3pm, as well as a significant number of petrol stations... which, meant it was difficult for us to find one open, & when we did there was quite a queue!

A week later I returned to the Junction to shop (having been in France for the interveining 6 days) & the photos I took of the recovery one week on inspired me to make an album on facebook. I included press photographs of the night itself & the following day, as well as the pictures I took on Mon 15th August... I am proud to be part of this community! Battersea certainly rose to the challenge, & I was reminded of the spirit of the British people in WWII... not that one night's mindless greed & violence can be compared to the months of bombing & deprivation which the people suffered at that time, but the fact that mindless, selfish violence has no chance of overpowering the community spirit... I firmly believe Battersea will rise up stronger as time goes by...

If you wish to see the album it can be viewed here: http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10150261049286987.322019.603506986&l=f6fa0068a1&type=1 (sorry, it looks like you might need to copy & past this into your address bar on your browser...)

My review of "Death's Daughter" by Amber Benson

Death's Daughter by Amber Benson

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


Having just finished reading the first solo effort as an author by the remarkable Amber Benson, I have to say I was really surprised! I was quite caught up in the continuing & sometimes very unexpected adventures of Calliope, who is also the middle daughter or none other than Death (yeah... The Grim Reaper... that's the one!), himself!


It took me a little while to get into the style of first person inner monologue, perhaps because Calliope - also known as Calli to her friends & family - has such different aspirations from me... I can think of nothing less likely to cause me to sever ties to my family than a career in fashion publishing in New York City... but this is what she has her heart set on. To her credit she is doing the hard yards, so the story does take a dramatic turn when she has to return to her family, a journey of self discovery, as well as one which incorporates forays into Hell itself...


Without giving too much away, Amber Benson gives some wonderfully vivid, but succinct, descriptions of situations, emotions & physical experiences which really put you in the characters shoes throughout the story... There are so many twists & turns, & whilst I had my suspicions about the ultimate culprit, I was not prepared for all the details when the truth came out. In some ways I was sorry the story ended when it did, & there are still mysteries to solve & people to (hopefully) find who were lost at the end of the last book!


For anyone who enjoys a good fantasy mystery, or even a paranormal romance I would recommend you try this book out! For me, I am about to open the pages of "Cat's Claws" the follow up novel, as soon as I complete this review!



View all my reviews

twists & turns...

Let's face it, 2010 was a really tough year for me, & I was looking forward to 2011 as a way of putting some of the hardest experiences of my life behind me. Of course the sense of loss, after my beautiful mother passed away last September, will possibly never be 'behind me' and with each new anniversary or moment which reminds me of some aspect of her personality, I feel the grief again, but I am in a place now where I am so grateful for the 43 years of my life which I got to share with her, & for the opportunity to say goodbye, which so many people never get.


I am also finding that, while I value myself as an individual who doesn't need a man in my life, I am looking forward again & hope to find someone special to spend time with... To this end I have done something I never really thought I ever would, & I have joined a 'online dating service'. eHarmony actually call themselves a 'relationship' site rather than a 'dating' site, which is supposed to help attract people of both sexes who are looking for a meaningful relationship rather than just hooking up with people of the opposite sex for more casual interaction. So far I have seen some very nice & very interesting men pop up on there, but I am taking things slowly, making minimal contact with just a few of them. We'll see what happens...

I am also on the hunt for a new family to live & work with... My beautiful Zach, & his lovely parents are anticipating the arrival of new baby in May, & Ali has decided to extend her maternity leave & enjoy being a full-time Mummy for a while. While I am very sad to be leaving such a caring, wonderful family & a home & job I love, I am also thrilled for them that they are on the brink of welcoming a new baby into their family, & I know I will keep in close contact with them in the coming weeks & months... with this in mind I have been focusing my job-hunting efforts on the local area, & have had a very promising interview with an Australian family who live about 15-20 mins walk from my current home. I have my fingers crossed!

One of the most positive things I have done this year is seek couselling, something I would recommend for anyone going through grief, loss, hurt or confusion which they are stuggling with. In my case it was a really a combination of so many very difficult events of the past 12-18 months, topped off with the fact that while I have some wonderful friends here in London, I do not have my very closest friends who know me inside out & whom I feel completely free to pour my heart out to... Naomi is an amazing cousellor & I see her once a week, on a Friday evening, & she has asked me questions I've never asked myself! It's an amazing journey exploring my personality & finding out how strong I really am!

I am also feeling very blessed by the friends I do have, and am making more time to spend with them! In the last couple of weeks I have seen "The Compete Works of William Shakespeare (Abridged)" with my gorgeous 2nd cousin (& adopted little sister) Siobhan, and last weekend went with my friend Bridie to see "Hairspray" starring Michael Ball, Marty Dolenz & the amazing Laurie Scarth as Tracy Turnblatt! I love every moment I get to spend with these beautiful friends & family! I treasure them more than I ever did!


I am not so good at phoning or skyping or even writing emails home, but I do try to write on facebook every day & upload photos I am constantly taking of my life from my own, unique pespective... I even have a themed collection of photos titled, "Lost" which show various items I see every day, on the footpath, sitting incongruously on fences & even lying in the gutter...


I am really enjoying reading more books & watching more films, having managed to see "The King's Speech", "The Social Network" & "Black Swan in the cinema this year & also catching up on some older titles on DVD... I even watch "Castle" staring Nathan Fillion & Stana Katic most weeks, & also love "True Blood" of which season 3 is currently screening in the UK at present! I am currently reading 2 boks right now - "Death's Daughter" by Amber Benson, & "The Time Travellers Guide to Medieval England". Two very different books, & I am really enjoying both of them!

So, I shall be moving on at Easter, perhaps watching less of my favourite shows (depending on whether I manage to have Sky TV at my next home or not), continue to watch films & theatre, perhaps keep up with my blog a little better, hear the voices of my loved ones & possibly even meet someone special! Who knows what else 2011 will hold for me!

I want to be a Billionaire, so *freaking* bad...

So... I was thinking about this song, as I listened to the words & my mind started wandering... "so what's new?" I hear every single person out there who's ever known me, ask!

I wondered what I would do with a billion pounds? I know some things right away, but it could be tricky!

Let's pretend I win a billion pounds tomorrow... (Oh, I know you've all done this before, but...) would I quit a job I love? Would I leave London? Would I travel the world? Would I have an amazing party? Would I study whatever I wanted, without worrying about fees & living expenses?

All of the above, perhaps, but not right away... I think...

No. 1 - I LOVE my job! No, I am not just saying that either - I love the people I work for & live with, I adore their little boy, I am excited about being a part of his life during the next year &, indeed, being a part of the whole family as the year unfolds! I enjoy the community we live in, the frinds we spend time with, the people I am getting to know outisde 'work' hours... I have no intention of leaving just yet! A billion pounds in the bank would just mean that when the time comes to move on, I won't have to look for another job!

No. 2 - I would immediately pay off both my sisters' & my best frend's mortgages! They are so precious to me, & they would deserve some of my windfall even if it was something fairly mundane like a mortgage... I would like to know that they would never have to worry about job security, interest rates or balancing th books in the tough times again! They give me so much more than money, & I give them so little in return...

No. 3 - I would buy a home in London, Melbourne & Boston (which I love) & make sure they were dwellings with warmth & plenty of space for friends & family to stay! (Don't we all dream of a something like that?)

No.4 - I would pay for my family & friends to visit me in London! I mean I want to share the places I love & enjoy, & to share some wonderful memories with! The downside of living so far away from my loved-ones, means I don't get to share my special experiences with them... Perhaps I could have a huge browncoat shindig in London, & even manage to set up a really strong London chapter of browncoats, so that we could found strong friendships & establish a fund-raising culture which would help those less fortunate... which also leads me to....

No. 5 - What Browncoat would't spend a wee bit of their billion pounds on a sequel to Serenity! Perhaps even get a spin off or a new series of Firefly! I would commission the 'Shakespeare of our times', Mr Joss Whedon, to write & direct such a film... & I would ask for all my browncoat friends to be extras in it!! *giggles*

No. 6 - you know I would donate lots to charity, Cancer Research would top that list. Charities which support children & families, people in countries where there is a lack of clean water medicine, good food... schools, education, equality between races & sexes. I probably look to Oprah Winfrey for inspiration... say whatever you like, this lady is amazing at sharing her wealth with those in need & for setting up charities which will continue to do so for many, many years to come.

No. 7 - Random Acts of Kindness! I have always wanted to do those remarkable things that change people's lives anonymously, & such a wealth of fortune would make it so much fun! Imagine you're walking down the street & you see some elderly lady trying to tape a broken window & you could just phone a glazier & ask them to come & quote on double glazing for the whole dwelling & pay for it all without her knowing who her benefactor was! Imagine seeing someone struggilng with an old bomb of a car on a cold morning & making their dreams come true by purchasing them a useful, reliable new car! Imagine the amazing things you can do! I love to do little things, like openning doors for mother's with buggies, buying an elderly lady a cup of coffee when I see she's struggling to find the change in her purse for such a purchase... It's a selfish wish, because I would feel so so SO good about myself if I did these things!!

No. 8 - book a session with Gok Wan to have my wardrobe completely overhauled with things that suit me & my figure! He is an amazing man from whom I have learned so much, & he strikes me as genuinely caring for others, despite his "girlfriend" monikers & slick, rhyming fashion tips! There is a dream of mine to shop for a small, but really striking wardrobe of clothes that suit my shape & personality & I would trust Gok with that completely!Oh, & I would definitely need my bestest friend with me for this one - itwould more than double the joy!

No. 9 - buy my Daddy a really lovely new home near to where he now lives... since my beautiful mother passed away in September, he hasn't felt an attachment to the home they shared for almost 40 years. I would love to find him something single storey, convenient, homely & near our family home, where he could make a new life for himself without the memories he finds so difficult, but with space for his collections of... "stuff"... Yeah - I take after my Daddy alright!

No. 10 - I would finally get to visit my God son, Johnny, who currently thinks I am his imaginary friend... he sees photos of me, & has conversations with me in my absence, he says I go to the park with him, but he doesn't seem to realise I am real!! LOL! I have never been anyone's imaginary friend before! I would do everything in my power to let the children in my life know how precious they are to me! From my very adored nieces & nephews, to the children I've nannied for so long, I would do little things to help them on their way - perhaps trust funds for education, pay for them to visit their capital cities for museum visits, festivals of significance, travel to London to see their crazy Auntie Emmi! And of course I could fly over to visit them a whole lot more!!

So... now I've written down my inital dreams, what do I wish for most? Things that nobody on earth can buy... just ask Christina Onassis... Love, someone to share my life with... Children to help to raise & to love for all my life... (I do have the privilege of caring for children & sharing their lives, but nobody will ever call me, "Mummy" & that currently breaks my heart) & opportunities to spend time with family & friends! I am sure I'll keep thinking of things for days, weeks, months to come... but the things that matter most I can do right now! Show people I love them, do things to help others, live for the moment! spend time with friends & family, learn, grow, love, live!

Perhaps I don't need to be a billionaire...?

Pondering the Poms...

I was thinking of a couple of little things which I have noticed while living in the UK, which might not register or count enough to write about anywhere, but I thought I would write anyway!

Gravy is much thinner in the UK! Seriously! When I was living at Pear Tree Farm I would often make gravy to go with sausages or roast or some other dish, and the kids would complain that the gravy was too thick! I just thought they were funny about liking thin gravy, but I have since realised that almost anywhere I have had a meal with gravy it's been very thin by comparisson to the gravy's my grandmother & mother always made! I have a theory... During the war years, & for about a decade afterwards, rationing was very strict & so little flour was available that it would have been foolish to use much of it on an 'extra' like gravy, even if you had meat to cook & dripping to make into gravy! I honestly don't know if that's the reason, but it would make sense to me if it was!

You cannot get Tim Tams, Cherry Ripe's, Twisties or Mint Slice biscuits in the UK... now how can that be right? On the other hand, you can get pork crackling as a bar snack, roast beef & horseradish flavoured crisps & when cooking a roast, one usually uses goose fat for optimum flavour!

You cannot get Mountain Dew in a regular shop here in the UK... just specialty shops like those who import 'candy' from the USA & I have discovered an Asian market which imports it in cans from China!

Fanta is the wrong colour & totally the wrong flavour! Sure, it might be more 'natural' than the colour we have in Australia, but it tastes horrible! Blech!

I really, really miss the Australian rock music I grew up with, not to mention local bands who were popular in the 1980s, which I would hear on the radio from time to time... AC/DC gets played, sometimes, but you never hear The Angels, Dragon, The Models, The Machinations, The Church, The Hoodoo Guru's, Kids in the Kitchen, I'm Talking or Kate Ceberano, Psuedo Echo or (one of my very favourite bands) Real Life!

I really love that I can walk down the street & see snippets of history around me... a row of horrible brown brick houses in the middle of a beautiful Victorian Terrace, courtesy of the Blitz & the quick replacement of buildings during WWII. Also due to WWII are the tarmac platforms at the end of my street, which were the placements for anti-aircraft guns!

I am loving the access to family history resources which are available over here! I have made so many new breakthroughs, not just on the 'net, but in the libraries & repositories of London & Stoke-on-Trent, & I hope to travel more in the near future to cover more sites of family history significance!

long time... no blog.

From looking at the post I last wrote I can tell it's been a very long time since I last wrote in here... I knew I had just returned from Boston, & I knew I was positively giddy with love. I just haven't wanted to come in here since then...

3 weeks after I returned to London from visiting Frank, he told me he was seeing someone else. I was shattered. It has taken a long time to want to come in here & change what I wrote - I haven't even read what I wrote back then, but I think it is fair to admit that I believed I was in a relationship which had honesty, love & committment... I was wrong. Well, I guess it did have those things, but apparently it was one-sided.

Enough said - six months on, I am ready to consider dating again, if I find someone I feel I might trust again. The worst thing about all this is that it's not the first time a relationship has ended with a 3rd party involved... it's not even the 2nd, and if you want the honest truth, I suspect there have been 3 previous occasions... I just never thought that after 2 years Frank would be so cruel as to end things the way he did. I do not hate him, nor even feel anger towards him. He is 'broken', damaged by his previous relationships, but that doesn't excuse his behaviour towards me. I just feel sad for him.

Anyway - enough - that's all! On to other things...

Frank & 'the girls'

I returned home from a lovely holiday in Boston last night. It was, as always, difficult to say goodbye, and that is not just to Frank. Every time I visit my lovely man, I fall in love a little more with the beautiful city of Boston, it's history, it's culture, it's restaurants & eating places & it's natural beauty! Every trip I spend time with friends whom I love more & more with every hour spent in their company. Every time I leave with deep wishes I could visit more often or even stay indefinitely!


Boston this time held lots of wonderful meals at some of my favourite places - The Border Cafe & Wagamama's, both in Harvard Square. Four Burgers in Central Square, close to Pandemonium, and S&S & Punjabi Daba in Inman Square! If you're ever in Boston & wondering where to get a delicious, inexpensive meal, Punjabi Dhaba serves genuine, quick, road-side-cafe-style Indian food, in a casual setting! There was also a new culinary experience, the most tender Porter House Steak at the Texan Steak House in Shirley! (I also had my 'fix' of Cheese-it's & peanut butter M&Ms!!)


We walked the girls every day in the Middlesex Fells. Since my last visit Frank had discovered a whole new section of this beautiful, natural woodland in the heart of the Boston metropolitan area. We bought a map, and struck out on various pathways, hiking up sheer rock faces, through little gullies, & along ridges with beautiful views of everything from the suburbs below, to the skyline of Boston's central business district, and right across the still-frozen surface of Spot Pond (which is really a lake feeding the watersupply of Medford, Winchester & Stoneham). The only day we didn't venture into the Fells we headed to Mirror Lake, close to where Frank's friend Kevin lives in Shirley. Another beautiful walk with snow still on the ground & I got to use 'micro spikes' on my boots for the first time! Making it all so much more special was the gorgeous weather for the first 6 days of my stay! Beautiful, clear, blue skies & sunshine, deteriorating to a gale with torrential rain on the Saturday, but easing in time for my flight home on Sunday!


The friends I have made on past trips become more & more special with every trip! In addition to seeing folk in person I am getting to know many of them online, mostly via facebook, but also by email & even phone calls! This time I didn't get to catch up with many browncoat friends, as there were no shindigs planned, and we couldn't make it to 'Geek Night' at our friends Deb & Rob's in New Hampshire, nor could we get down to Rhode Island to see Frank's closest friend Mark & his lovely wife Bea, one of my favourite people! It didn't feel right not catching up with them on this trip!

I did manage to see a few of my favourite folk, however! Chris is a friend I first met on Fireflyfans.net & have got to know via facebook, the NEBC (New England Browncoats) mailing list, & meeting up on previous trips to the USA. He & his lovely lady, Tal, came to Boston with her 2-year-old daughter to spend the afternoon with us. Along with Frank's good mate, Scott, and his 5-year-old son, Aiden, we visited the Harvard Museum of Natural History, and had a fun (& rather delicious) meal at Flat Patties burger place in Harvard Square. On Tuesday evening we went to Punjabi Dhaba with Joe, who is Frank's colleague & friend from the Harcourt Bindery, Joe is such a fun, intelligent & talented guy! We had a ball! On other days we visited Pandemonium & The Hobby Bunker where we caught up with a few of Frank's gaming buddies, who seemed to be pleased to see me there... (I played two games with Frank, but I think he despairs of me learning & understanding the rules! I really am getting to enjoy Warhammer more each time, though, and was surprised at how much I remembered from my last visit!)


I had really wanted to catch up with another NEBC friend, Jill, who has had a bit of a rough time lately, and with whom I always get along really well! She lives not far from Frank so we made plans to get together on the last Friday of my visit. As we were planning our evening Frank suggested Scott might like to join us, so we got together & had a wonderful meal at The Border Cafe (another highly recommended venue which serves amazingly good Tex-Mex style food at a very reasonable price - but expect to wait for a table, especially on a Friday!) They hit it off so well we all went out for dinner the next night, too!! I was also fortunate to catch up with Cathy Reuben who is one of Frank's dearest friends, a gifted musician, and wonderful lady, as well as spend an evening rehearsing with the vocal section of Urban Myth, Jessica & Robert as well as Frank making me feel so welcome! I loved singing again after a break of two years, and singing with Frank was a real treat! I cannot express quite how wonderful his friends are at making me feel at home!




So, finally, very early on Sunday morning - even earlier than anticipated as it was the first morning of daylight savings & we'd lost an hour we hadn't anticipated losing - I finished packing my bags & headed to the airport. Maggie, Frank's gorgeously loyal & lovely border collie/labrador who has always kept a close eye on me & takes good care of me, looked like I was betraying her, as she always does! She knows, even before I pack, that I am preparing to leave. Lucy is always happy to see me, but less perturbed when I leave, as it just means she gets more of Frank's attention! I always have tears at the airport, and there are always the sweetest kisses imaginable just before I go through the security check point! I always get on that plane feeling like it's the last thing I want to do! I just want to know what it's like to arrive in Boston with no plans to leave, one day!

The strange thing that I often think of is that I never, ever wanted to live in America. Even as I fell for Frank I was hoping that if this relationship went anywhere he might want to move to Australia or England. I am a citizen of both countries by right of my birth, and that is a blessing I am very grateful for! As I got to know Frank & his beautiful girls, Maggie & Lucy, I realised that he was happiest in Boston, and that he could never leave his precious puppies for long. I can't imagine him putting them into quarantine in order to live in another country... nor could I imagine him living in Victoria, where the temperatures regularly reach the low 40s (centergrade) when he considers the low 30s to be "a scorcher" even with 95% humidity!! We learn not to breathe in too quickly as we hop into a parked car or even step outside in Melbourne - a scorcher is actually when you can feel the intense heat drying out your lungs as you inhale!

I have had such a beautiful, wonderful few days with Frank in my 'other home' & have loved every moment of it! I love life in London, but I am already looking forward to my next visit & to seeing more friends, experiencing more of Massachusetts life, and creating more memories of my relationship with Frank & his beautiful girls!

communication...

I wrote a blog last night, when I was hurting & feeling very alone. I was upset that people rarely ever contact me, and I feel like nobody notices when I try to update themmm... ironically someone I had no idea ever, EVER read my blog read it & thought it was directed at them and was hurt & upset & angry...

I never, ever dreamt that this person would read it, and I never ever meant it to seem like I was attacking her...

But if you do read my blog, how about saying so once in a while? I put my heart & soul into some of the research I do on here, & I rarely bother writing any more coz I think nobody notices, except those people with very poor English who keep leaving comments on my blog telling me they have "exciting new opportunity to investment my money!"

And yes, if you think I am being thin-skinned, I CAN count on one hand the number of phone calls I have received from Australia since leaving almost 2 years ago... 1 voicemail message from my parents on my birthday in 2008, 1 from my best friend when a mutual friend passed away suddenly, 1 from my friend Fee on the spur of the moment (awesome, too!) 1 from my sister when my Uncle passed away which was shocking news to me (& I missed that call) & 1 from my friend Kim just to say hello & she was thinking of me! 5 phone calls in 2 years... I don't think anyone's noticed I've left! I'm not angry, I'm hurt... very sad, very lonely, and very hurt...

Not meaning to take a dig or a shot or whatever at anyone... just trying to make sense of my lonely existence... how could I love where I live, who I live with, what I am doing for a job & the people I now live amongst, but miss my home terribly! I have always known that the people back at home have the same friends on hand, the same routines, the same 'support network'... Their lives are going on like normal, and there is no reason they would miss me... but I miss them.

I'll probably delete this 'stream of conciousness' blog this time tomorrow, too... I suck!