twists & turns...

Let's face it, 2010 was a really tough year for me, & I was looking forward to 2011 as a way of putting some of the hardest experiences of my life behind me. Of course the sense of loss, after my beautiful mother passed away last September, will possibly never be 'behind me' and with each new anniversary or moment which reminds me of some aspect of her personality, I feel the grief again, but I am in a place now where I am so grateful for the 43 years of my life which I got to share with her, & for the opportunity to say goodbye, which so many people never get.


I am also finding that, while I value myself as an individual who doesn't need a man in my life, I am looking forward again & hope to find someone special to spend time with... To this end I have done something I never really thought I ever would, & I have joined a 'online dating service'. eHarmony actually call themselves a 'relationship' site rather than a 'dating' site, which is supposed to help attract people of both sexes who are looking for a meaningful relationship rather than just hooking up with people of the opposite sex for more casual interaction. So far I have seen some very nice & very interesting men pop up on there, but I am taking things slowly, making minimal contact with just a few of them. We'll see what happens...

I am also on the hunt for a new family to live & work with... My beautiful Zach, & his lovely parents are anticipating the arrival of new baby in May, & Ali has decided to extend her maternity leave & enjoy being a full-time Mummy for a while. While I am very sad to be leaving such a caring, wonderful family & a home & job I love, I am also thrilled for them that they are on the brink of welcoming a new baby into their family, & I know I will keep in close contact with them in the coming weeks & months... with this in mind I have been focusing my job-hunting efforts on the local area, & have had a very promising interview with an Australian family who live about 15-20 mins walk from my current home. I have my fingers crossed!

One of the most positive things I have done this year is seek couselling, something I would recommend for anyone going through grief, loss, hurt or confusion which they are stuggling with. In my case it was a really a combination of so many very difficult events of the past 12-18 months, topped off with the fact that while I have some wonderful friends here in London, I do not have my very closest friends who know me inside out & whom I feel completely free to pour my heart out to... Naomi is an amazing cousellor & I see her once a week, on a Friday evening, & she has asked me questions I've never asked myself! It's an amazing journey exploring my personality & finding out how strong I really am!

I am also feeling very blessed by the friends I do have, and am making more time to spend with them! In the last couple of weeks I have seen "The Compete Works of William Shakespeare (Abridged)" with my gorgeous 2nd cousin (& adopted little sister) Siobhan, and last weekend went with my friend Bridie to see "Hairspray" starring Michael Ball, Marty Dolenz & the amazing Laurie Scarth as Tracy Turnblatt! I love every moment I get to spend with these beautiful friends & family! I treasure them more than I ever did!


I am not so good at phoning or skyping or even writing emails home, but I do try to write on facebook every day & upload photos I am constantly taking of my life from my own, unique pespective... I even have a themed collection of photos titled, "Lost" which show various items I see every day, on the footpath, sitting incongruously on fences & even lying in the gutter...


I am really enjoying reading more books & watching more films, having managed to see "The King's Speech", "The Social Network" & "Black Swan in the cinema this year & also catching up on some older titles on DVD... I even watch "Castle" staring Nathan Fillion & Stana Katic most weeks, & also love "True Blood" of which season 3 is currently screening in the UK at present! I am currently reading 2 boks right now - "Death's Daughter" by Amber Benson, & "The Time Travellers Guide to Medieval England". Two very different books, & I am really enjoying both of them!

So, I shall be moving on at Easter, perhaps watching less of my favourite shows (depending on whether I manage to have Sky TV at my next home or not), continue to watch films & theatre, perhaps keep up with my blog a little better, hear the voices of my loved ones & possibly even meet someone special! Who knows what else 2011 will hold for me!

I want to be a Billionaire, so *freaking* bad...

So... I was thinking about this song, as I listened to the words & my mind started wandering... "so what's new?" I hear every single person out there who's ever known me, ask!

I wondered what I would do with a billion pounds? I know some things right away, but it could be tricky!

Let's pretend I win a billion pounds tomorrow... (Oh, I know you've all done this before, but...) would I quit a job I love? Would I leave London? Would I travel the world? Would I have an amazing party? Would I study whatever I wanted, without worrying about fees & living expenses?

All of the above, perhaps, but not right away... I think...

No. 1 - I LOVE my job! No, I am not just saying that either - I love the people I work for & live with, I adore their little boy, I am excited about being a part of his life during the next year &, indeed, being a part of the whole family as the year unfolds! I enjoy the community we live in, the frinds we spend time with, the people I am getting to know outisde 'work' hours... I have no intention of leaving just yet! A billion pounds in the bank would just mean that when the time comes to move on, I won't have to look for another job!

No. 2 - I would immediately pay off both my sisters' & my best frend's mortgages! They are so precious to me, & they would deserve some of my windfall even if it was something fairly mundane like a mortgage... I would like to know that they would never have to worry about job security, interest rates or balancing th books in the tough times again! They give me so much more than money, & I give them so little in return...

No. 3 - I would buy a home in London, Melbourne & Boston (which I love) & make sure they were dwellings with warmth & plenty of space for friends & family to stay! (Don't we all dream of a something like that?)

No.4 - I would pay for my family & friends to visit me in London! I mean I want to share the places I love & enjoy, & to share some wonderful memories with! The downside of living so far away from my loved-ones, means I don't get to share my special experiences with them... Perhaps I could have a huge browncoat shindig in London, & even manage to set up a really strong London chapter of browncoats, so that we could found strong friendships & establish a fund-raising culture which would help those less fortunate... which also leads me to....

No. 5 - What Browncoat would't spend a wee bit of their billion pounds on a sequel to Serenity! Perhaps even get a spin off or a new series of Firefly! I would commission the 'Shakespeare of our times', Mr Joss Whedon, to write & direct such a film... & I would ask for all my browncoat friends to be extras in it!! *giggles*

No. 6 - you know I would donate lots to charity, Cancer Research would top that list. Charities which support children & families, people in countries where there is a lack of clean water medicine, good food... schools, education, equality between races & sexes. I probably look to Oprah Winfrey for inspiration... say whatever you like, this lady is amazing at sharing her wealth with those in need & for setting up charities which will continue to do so for many, many years to come.

No. 7 - Random Acts of Kindness! I have always wanted to do those remarkable things that change people's lives anonymously, & such a wealth of fortune would make it so much fun! Imagine you're walking down the street & you see some elderly lady trying to tape a broken window & you could just phone a glazier & ask them to come & quote on double glazing for the whole dwelling & pay for it all without her knowing who her benefactor was! Imagine seeing someone struggilng with an old bomb of a car on a cold morning & making their dreams come true by purchasing them a useful, reliable new car! Imagine the amazing things you can do! I love to do little things, like openning doors for mother's with buggies, buying an elderly lady a cup of coffee when I see she's struggling to find the change in her purse for such a purchase... It's a selfish wish, because I would feel so so SO good about myself if I did these things!!

No. 8 - book a session with Gok Wan to have my wardrobe completely overhauled with things that suit me & my figure! He is an amazing man from whom I have learned so much, & he strikes me as genuinely caring for others, despite his "girlfriend" monikers & slick, rhyming fashion tips! There is a dream of mine to shop for a small, but really striking wardrobe of clothes that suit my shape & personality & I would trust Gok with that completely!Oh, & I would definitely need my bestest friend with me for this one - itwould more than double the joy!

No. 9 - buy my Daddy a really lovely new home near to where he now lives... since my beautiful mother passed away in September, he hasn't felt an attachment to the home they shared for almost 40 years. I would love to find him something single storey, convenient, homely & near our family home, where he could make a new life for himself without the memories he finds so difficult, but with space for his collections of... "stuff"... Yeah - I take after my Daddy alright!

No. 10 - I would finally get to visit my God son, Johnny, who currently thinks I am his imaginary friend... he sees photos of me, & has conversations with me in my absence, he says I go to the park with him, but he doesn't seem to realise I am real!! LOL! I have never been anyone's imaginary friend before! I would do everything in my power to let the children in my life know how precious they are to me! From my very adored nieces & nephews, to the children I've nannied for so long, I would do little things to help them on their way - perhaps trust funds for education, pay for them to visit their capital cities for museum visits, festivals of significance, travel to London to see their crazy Auntie Emmi! And of course I could fly over to visit them a whole lot more!!

So... now I've written down my inital dreams, what do I wish for most? Things that nobody on earth can buy... just ask Christina Onassis... Love, someone to share my life with... Children to help to raise & to love for all my life... (I do have the privilege of caring for children & sharing their lives, but nobody will ever call me, "Mummy" & that currently breaks my heart) & opportunities to spend time with family & friends! I am sure I'll keep thinking of things for days, weeks, months to come... but the things that matter most I can do right now! Show people I love them, do things to help others, live for the moment! spend time with friends & family, learn, grow, love, live!

Perhaps I don't need to be a billionaire...?

The best part about Dragon*Con...

OK, so I have now been to two D*Cs in two years! This would have seemed an impossible dream to me a couple of years ago, but now I am living in the UK and it's a little bit closer and a lot less expensive to get there!
I also have a lot of wonderful friends whom I have met initially online, but have also spent precious time with at Dragon*Con. To me that is worth all the time on a plane, all the money on airfares and hotels and every moment that I lost out on sleep for the manic 4 1/2 days in Atlanta!

It's funny, because in the lead up to Dragon*Con all you seem to hear about is the guest list! First Jewel Stait, then Morena Baccarin then Nathan Fillion and Alan Tudyk... and is he or isn't he... Adam Baldwin...? (He didn't in case you're wondering...)

Then there's the added bonus of knowing other shows you enjoy and other actors you admire will be there! Meeting Edward James Olmos was a highlight for me, and one of which I have no tangible evidence. I saw him sitting in the 'Walk of Fame', but with autographs costing US$60 each I simply couldn't afford one! I decided to say hello all the same, and I went over and shook his hand, introduced myself and told him that I was a fan who had enjoyed many hours watching him in various roles, and that for me he made Battlestar Galactica the high standard program that it is! He was a lovely, charming and easy-to-converse with gentleman, and I shall treasure that memory for a very long time!

In addition, you actually meet folk for the first time. When wearing your Firefly themed costumes you get a lot of comments from other fans of the best show in the verse, you see the same people over and over at panels and parties and in queues... and then there are the people you know from online but never really 'got to know' until you met them in person... of course they can be the very best - but I might be biased there because last year I had barely exchanged one or two comments with 'Naughtyman' from fireflyfans.net, but when we met and talked and spent time in person it was a different matter... in case you're wondering he is my Frank, and we are planning to spend Christmas together this year!
I love the time spent absorbing people's accents and the way they animate when they are talking with you! I love to see them in person and bump into them when wandering around the convention! I love the fun and relaxed time, which is both surreal and more real than you could imagine! I love the fun, the random jokes, the imagination, the chemistry and the comraderie that comes from getting together with a few thousand folk, many of whom you know in one capacity or another, and just celebrating the things that brought you together as friends in the first place!

Most of all I love the memories, the photographs and the stories shared for days and weeks afterwards, and the build up and anticipation of next year's convention! I can tell you that at the time of writing this blog there are 323 days to go until I am meeting up with friends from near and far, embracing folk I know in person, from telephone conversations and from online forums, and laughing and anticipating time spent with my browncoat family!

If you ever want an experience like no other, come to Dragon*Con, Atlanta, Georgia for the long weekend which ends on the first Monday in September! If nothing else it will be something you will never forget!

So this blog is dedicated to Jimi-bear & to my Kaylee-clone, Cindy, to Tinker Jenn & to my life-friend Aleta, to my Mei Mei's Rose & Engie, to the two Scotts ( I mean from Scotland) both called Michael! To my li'l sister, Lila & her lovely man, Joe (who met through Firefly as well!), to Katy& her Chad, to Amanda, Bridget, (& the boys who sang to her too!) & Niki & Ken (who not only met at D*C last year but married there this year!) To Shelle Belle (Roxy) to Captain Chris (Steamer) to Rican & Jack & Share, & to Cedric & Hawke (the wonderful Bedlam Bards)... to Mike & his beautiful Erica, to Philippa, to Sara, to Birddog & Bill (Doctor Bill!), to the littlest 76th member, Stevie & her gorgeous Alison, to the delightful Lissa and to the warm and wonderful Melissa, to the dedicated and quietly supportive Mary (Kaele) & her sister, Daisy, & to Kelly... to all the friends who are more like family, those who are a part of the 76th battalion. This blog is dedicated to those I met last year, and those I hope to meet next year. It's for the naughty Renn who had me doing vodka shots before 11am, and to the wonderful (& beautiful) Beth with her tireless efforts for the Austin Browncoats fundraising! For Rican & Carl & Autumn & Audrey! It's for Angela & Erin, for Ilse & Nico, for Marina & Tom, for Lost & Artcat, for all the Captain Mal's, Jayne-hat-wearing browncoats, for the family who dressed as Big Damn Hero's right down to 7 month old Kaylee! For the all-singing, all-dancing and all wonderful fun folk who make D*C worth travelling half way around the world for!

And if you were there - it's for you too!

(Re)Connecting...

Well, I just got home from spending a wonderful afternoon with cousins whom I haven't seen in at least 5 years...
Margaret is actually my Dad's first cousin, and she and her husband, Roy, visited Australia in 2003 so that was the last time I actually saw them, and apart from family correspondence, and a recent phone call, pretty much the last time we were in touch!

Their eldest son, Scott, was 17 last time I saw him, and was doing his A levels (VCE or HSC for the Aussie friends reading this!) and his sister Georgina was 15 and their 'little' brother Duncan was... err... younger still!

Today I met up with Margaret & Roy at the brand new home of Scott & his lovely wife, Philippa! They literally moved in this weekend! Roy was assisting Scott in wallpapering 2 1/2 year old Isabel's bedroom, while Margaret was looking after the children, Isobel and baby Daniel who is just 10 weeks old! I was in my element! I have missed babies and little children since coming to the UK! I absolutely adore the two children I nanny, who are 12 and 13 years old, but I miss the little people who are like sponges, soaking up each and every new experience and piece of information, and for whom every day is an adventure!
Isobel is bright and intelligent and has a gorgeous disposition! She really was enjoying having her Granny, as she calls Margaret, there as well as adoring her baby brother, and relishing her role as a big sister! Daniel is a settled and happy baby, and possibly having a growing spurt given the quantity of milk he consumed while I was there! We had a fun day of exploring the back garden, being shown around the house by Isobel, getting to know Philippa and catching up with Margaret and Roy.

On the sad side, Margaret's Mum, my Great-Auntie Dorothy, is very poorly and not expected to live much longer. They were cutting their visit short by a day in order to drive up to Stoke-on-Trent tomorrow and stay for the night then heading to Cheltenham where they live.

I have very fond memories of both my Auntie Dorothy and my Uncle Frank, who passed away a couple of years ago. I am sorry I haven't been to see my Aunt, but from what I hear she wouldn't have really understood who I was anyway...

All in all the day was lovely, though, and it was good to find that I connected with both Scott and Philippa well! They are such lovely people, and as you get older the age difference seems to matter less! I really hope they take me up on my offer to babysit sometimes, as I would love to help out and get to spend precious time with the next generation!

The weather has been gorgeous, by the way, and their garden has apple trees, and roses, rhubarb and beans and lots of other flowering plants as well! They are creating a wonderful environment to raise their family in!
Flickr set to check out: http://www.flickr.com/photos/magdalena67/sets/72157607542247107/

Why so slack at keeping in touch...?

I feel like I keep excusing myself for not keeping in touch better... if you knew how often I thought of friends and family in any given day you wouldn't believe how little I manage to write to them... one person in my life here suggested I stop making friends as I am too busy to keep up with the friends I already have, but that is a completely rediculous suggestion and he knows it! (It was said with his tongue firmly in his cheek!)

So here's my new plan! (why wait for the new year for resolutions...?) I will write blogs as often as I can - hopefully at least 3-5 a week, detailing my life and including pertinent photos with links to sets in my flickr account. I will send out a general email each week to my friends and family near and far, and give them the run down as well as this address and the address of my flickr sets!

I will phone my loved ones more often, and not just Frank either! And I will do this during the day and not last thing at night... I tend to phone poor Frank when I am dropping off to sleep and he doesn't always get a good conversation out of me... mind you, as an American, he pays to receive my phone calls before 7pm, so there's something to be said for phoning him later, rather than earlier!

I really miss the sense of connection I have with so many folk, I guess I am so busy living my life that I am not managing to share it with others, and since I moved to the UK pretty much all of my friends and family are in another country, another county or another city!

So, to those who live nearby, I will make a greater effort to keep in touch by phone, and by visiting. To those who live in Australia and the USA, I will make a greater effort to keep you updated here and via email and photgraphy. And to my precious family - both of my blood and of my heart - I will let you know how much I love you much more often than I have to date!
I truly miss you all and wish you were here to share my adventure with me! I love who I am, and where I am, and what I am doing with my life! I just wish you were all a little bit closer and we could share it together!

Love and hugs to you all!

Making Commitments or Resolutions?

I'm making some resolutions this year, but first I want to tell you about a 'moment' I had in the first hour of 2006!

I said farewell to my closest friend who had come and sat in my parents criminally overhot house where I was looking after 3 of my nieces and nephews, and as she walked to her car I realised I'd been looking forward to the end of 2005 as it had been a difficult one for me in many ways, but in looking back I had overcome a great deal and I'm very proud of the challenges I faced and the setbacks I overcame!

This year I have some goals? ...challenges? ...promises? ...commitments? ...or will I just call them resolutions like everyone else? I tried to rank them in a style of commitment something like this:

I will be healthier by effort.

I will be self confident by practice.

I will be a terrific Creative Memories consultant by consistency.

I will be a more committed and growing Christian by priority.

It seems to me that the four things I aim to achieve this year are kind of impossible for the outsider to measure, so it's a very personal choice I've made, and also that they all support and strengthen one another.

My health is improving by degrees and by knowlege of what my body responds to. By having regular chiropractic treatment for back and neck problems I have almost eliminated the chronic headaches of my past, learned a great deal about cause and effect and taken the next step in prevention of dis-ease in my body by tapping into suppliments which have seen me get through a whole year without a virus, 'flu or even a heavy cold! I am reading and looking into healthier food choices and lifestyle commitments which should see me ...

Feel more energetic and probably lose weight! I should be able to build my self esteem and self confidence by degrees! As my body (and immune system) gains strength, I will feel better equipt to tackle new challenges and every time I succeed (or just try) I will gain a little more! Which will also enable me to...

Put myself into 'scary' situations like (OK don't laugh!) phoning up people! I have a real phone phobia, and it has sadly been reflected in my follow up of friends and customers in my business! By stepping up to talk on the phone, I'll be better prepared for home classes, workshops and accepting new business opportunities!

And my faith? Everything I do and learn is a new opportunity to know God better! Every challenge I undertake I do so with Jesus as my guide and mentor! Every new friend I find is a new reason to thank God! Every good and great thing is a gift from above!

Have a safe, happy and fulfilling new year ... and beyond!